I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
