My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
