now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He kissed a someone with a penis
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
