Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
