guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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