We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I think my moral compass just broke
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
