just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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