you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize