she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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