Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
