In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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