Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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