well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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