she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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