We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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