I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
