he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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