All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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