We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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