she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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