I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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