Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize