the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
