We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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