Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So vagazzling was a success
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
