I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
