Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize