so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
