Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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