I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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