I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
