Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
