Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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