She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
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I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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