Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
