Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
