i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
