I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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