i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
