Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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