A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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