marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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