I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus