Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
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Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
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I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?