told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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