I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
