somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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