I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
