I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
