I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
