So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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