I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
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Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This is classic penis vs brain.
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Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The Olympian is in my bed
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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