every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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