And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
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