she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
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there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
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I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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