she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
