Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
