remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
