He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
