I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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