It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
