i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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